Guys, buckle up: We’re going to Scotland. Dundee, Scotland, to be specific. (Trivia: This is where Logan’s Brian Cox was born. Meta time!)
But first, it’s the opening of Willa’s play, and the gang is gathered in the basement of a Broadway theater. Connor is proud, Willa is weird—the usual. The dude Shiv slept with is there, which Tom figures out pretty quickly after an awkward hello. A comely lass by the name of Jennifer catches Kendall’s eye. He’s so taken that while Shiv tries to talk about the fact that Rhea has invaded their lives and is spearheading a surprise party for Logan in Scotland, he brushes her off to go chasing after the girl. Roys!
The next day, Roman tries to record a sincere-sounding message for Logan’s tribute. It doesn’t go well. Shiv and Connor talk a little about Logan’s poor, impoverished youth in Scotland (more specifically how Connor thinks he’ll never understand Logan till he takes a poop outside. I…don’t think this is the answer.) The sibs discuss whether or not Logan is sleeping with Rhea, and whether or not she’s dangerous for the future of the company. But here’s the thing: Shiv is the only one who actually seems concerned.
On yet another private plane, Logan is cranky. He doesn’t want to go, but Rhea has convinced him. He snaps poor Carolina’s head clear off when she brings up the fact that there’s another person shifting under the weight of the investigation. A man who will henceforth be referred to as The Weasel.
Meanwhile, Shiv tries to work Marcia. She asks just how involved Rhea has been in planning the party. Shiv tries to play concerned gal pal, but even she is no match for Marcia who, let’s face it, is a stone-cold killer.
They arrive in Scotland. Logan waxes nostalgic a bit as they pass familiar sights. But he quickly gets agitated talking about the past. I suppose it was not great times.
They pull up to a stately manor. Shiv confronts Rhea on her duplicitous behavior earlier but Rhea remains unruffled.
Meanwhile, Roman and Gerri pull into a room to talk about Rhea and Logan, how he’s losing focus. She asks him again to seduce the foreign money man who could take Wayfair private. Roman listens—or is he? He casually asks Gerri if they should get married. Gerri’s face speaks for us all.
Turns out, Kendall was able to bed pretty Jennifer from the play. We know this because he calls her, all seductive sweetness and compliments her on their apparently epic shagfest. He suggests she comes to Scotland for his dad’s party and he’ll even send a car and plane.
Marcia, for her part, runs into Rhea in the hallway. Very casually she tells Rhea she has something to ask her: Are you regularly tested for STDS? Because she still has sex with Logan, you see, and she needs to know. And man, Marcia is terrifying! While Rhea sputters about how she doesn’t know what Marcia means, Marcia goes quietly nuclear, including talk of people losing eyes and stuff. When Logan interrupts, Rhea laughs it off about French noses being out of joints. Oh boy, would I not underestimate lady Marcia.
Shiv again tries to convince her sibs to come up with something to turn Logan off Rhea. Shiv suggests Tom work her and he, quite rightly, gets offended. The kids come up with an idea to use “Rose” (not Rosebud, mind you) to bring Rhea down. Kendall strikes: He tells Rhea it’s a great idea to mention Logan’s mother, Helen, and mention his sister Rose, whom he says is no longer with us. We do not know what this actually means. Yet.
Rhea makes the toast. She raises a glass to those who could not be there, like Logan’s mother Helen and his sister, Rose. Logan pointedly puts his glass down. Afterward, Roman gloats a bit. But again, he’s no match for Rhea, who flatters him. He can’t resist. Shiv calls her out for not being a drinker—Logan raises an eyebrow at this. Rhea stammers. Everyone drinks grimly.
They stand outside Logan’s childhood home. Also, you should know, Greg thinks he has sand-mites. They cast a gaze over the building and decide it’s fine. Logan pulls up, sees everyone waiting, and is basically like, nope, and drives off.
Gerri pulls Shiv aside—they need her input. They’ve tried to buy off The Weasel but to no avail. Meanwhile, Dundee looks like an awfully cute town! The musical score doesn’t seem to think so, anyway, but I do. They arrive at a journalism center Logan is funding. Rhea starts working Kendall. She asks him why he’s trying to sandbag her. Kendall tells her he’s mildly offended on behalf of his sister. She tells him he’s good, but not ready. And ugh, Kendall (KENDALL!) falls for it: He starts over-explaining about how he’s met someone new and exciting and he’s good now. She tells him it’s going to be him eventually—it’s always been him. This is what Kendall most wants to hear anyway so he eats it up.
At some stone ceremony, Logan is surprised to see his brother Ewan (the always stellar James Cromwell). Oh boy, I love Ewan. And he does not disappoint, cutting Logan down to size every which way and that. Then they weirdly have a brief moment about a Mistle Thrush in front of Greg. But don’t be fooled: Ewan later tells Greg that he holds Logan responsible for the destruction of the earth and that he might be worse than Hitler! And, oh by the way, he’d like Greg to stop working for Logan. Or he’ll be cut out of Ewan’s will and lose $250 million.
Roman goes to meet Edward, the mysterious man, at the local pub. Edward is watching Scottish football and thinking of buying one of the teams, either Hibs or Hearts. Roman’s face softens briefly, as he tells him that Hearts is his father’s longtime team. Edward seems nice enough. He even seems pretty chill about the whole investment or going private. Edwards suggests they split the Hearts team.
Jennifer, Kendall’s new flame, has made it to Scotland, and is cozily lounging around his bed when Connor comes a’knockin. Jennifer is needed in Willa’s play, you see. Kendall doesn’t care. He actually looks sort of happy! And while clearly Jennifer is the human equivalent of some really good cocaine, it sure is nice to see him smile.
Later, Shiv calls an emergency sibling meeting. They have to kill Rhea! Cool, right? Well, no. The others are starting to feel differently. Shiv (correctly) thinks that Rhea has “gotten” to all of them and really, that’s just another point in Rhea’s favor if you think about it.
At Logan’s surprise there are kilts and fancy-wear. Shiv asks for Tom’s assistance and even he is like, hmm, maybe Rhea is better for me? Oh boy does that not go over well.
Nor are things going well for Logan and Marcia. He’s checking in to see how many people will be there—20 or 30?—and she’s all French for maybe-you-should-ask-your new girlfriend. He tells her he’ll probably bail early, and she resists yelling about how that new girlfriend planned a surprise party he will surely hate.
Bringing the fun early is Uncle Ewan, ranting about Tacitus, berating Greg for not having resigned yet. Rhea is looking rather gorgeous and all aflutter and excited as the gigantic crowd, with an even more gigantic picture of Logan, readies themselves for the arrival of the man of the hour.
He walks in, sees the sea of people shouting “surprise” at him, and turns tail and walks out. Rhea’s face falls as she realizes she miscalculated. He freaks out a little bit outside and Marcia, with impeccable timing, explains that Rhea thought it would be nice.
Kendall squires Jennifer around. Unsurprisingly, her fellow cast members are pissed that she flitted off to Scotland. Kendall is all yeah yeah yeah but here’s the thing about my dad. She calls him out for always talking about Logan. Kendall decides this is the perfect time to introduce her, just as Connor is hitting up Logan for money. Jennifer beams at Logan naively, and declares everything awesome, and Logan’s face shows clearly he finds her to be a dolt. Kendall registers this as well, and it seems like you might be able to set an egg timer on this couple’s staying power.
Sure enough, Logan heads over to Shiv and says that Kendall’s date has a mind like a balloon. (Funny cause it’s true!) Shiv suggests they have a truce for the evening and hands him her birthday present. He pages through a book of houses, with no idea that he owned them all. She remarks that he doesn’t like the past much. He says there’s just so much of it and the future is real. But guess what? He’s turning on Rhea: She doesn’t drink, she’s a liberal, she was able to organize this whole party without him noticing and it makes him uneasy. He turns to his daughter and asks if he’s got it right. And this actually feels pretty sincere. He takes her hand and tells her she’s smart. And poor Shiv can’t really resist this (me either).
Greg follows Logan into the bathroom. He tells him he needs to quit (in classic stammering Greg way), that Ewan has made it clear that he needs to sever ties. (I do enjoy that he used the term “Gregxit.”) Logan tells him he likes him. He tells Greg that Ewan is a coward and will never do it but he leaves the choice to Greg: Uncle Fun or Grandpa Grumps. Team Grumps!
Gerri assembles the crisis group and reveals that, while they’ve offered so much money, the guy who can sink them is just not biting. She worries about all the bad things that are going to come out; The Weasel is going to go on TV and spill his guts. Gerri says the new CEO will undoubtedly get ripped to shreds over it. You can see a lightbulb go off over Shiv’s head. Gerri says to wait before telling Logan anything.
And then, reader, I don’t really know how to describe what happens next. Kendall gets up and reveals he’s wearing an oversized jersey under his suit and he….oh god he starts rapping. No one in the room can believe it either. But by the way, Jeremy Strong sells it so hard that if they don’t give him the Emmy for this next year I don’t know what I’ll do. Roman whimpers. Tabby records. Gerri’s mouth hangs open in horror. Logan is unmoved. So, yeah, for such a wild curveball, all reactions seem right on target. Ken is so deep into it, he gets the crowd into it and ends with a literal mic drop. I’m right there with Roman when he talks about a black hole of embarrassment.
Roman goes over with Edward and to tell his dad he bought The Hearts. And that’s when Logan informs him that he supports the Hibs, not the Hearts. A classic. Shiv rejoins Logan and he asks her again what he should do about Rhea. And our sly fox lets him know she’s totally, totally fine with Rhea getting tapped. Now, this is straight-up devious behavior that even Rhea should admire. He thanks her so sincerely you almost feel bad about this whole thing. Almost.
He takes the stage and makes his announcement: Rhea is the next CEO. (Drink!) Shiv has a pretty sweet smirk on her face as she gives Rhea some death clapping.
Kendall mopes alone outside when Jennifer comes to find him, chirping about how intense that all was. She gazes at him adoringly and he says, “You said awesome a lot.” Uh-oh, somebody got Daddy in his ear! He tells her he’ll go get her coat but instead tells a goon to get her on the next flight back. Also to tell her he might be tied up and can’t say goodbye. Yeesh, MC Cold.
Logan sits back with Marcia who is furious. He never told her he was stepping aside. He apologizes. She tells him he has broken something. He is ready: Turns out he’s been mad at her since she told him he should sell the company. (Men!) She’s like, whatever man, and then, even more awesomely, she tells him he is boring her. Ewan saddles up just in time to tell Logan he must face his reckoning alone. Ewan asks how he can stand the shame. Then he interestingly brings up this Rose person again. Ewan says “it” wasn’t Logan’s fault but that everything else is. He says it’s time to pay up. We leave Logan with a look on his face that maybe his brother is right.